I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize