btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
