apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
