Pappa wants mamma naked
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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