hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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