walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
