come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
