If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I supernannyed him into submission
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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