she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
