Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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