Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
