you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize