Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
