Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
