Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
