Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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