Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
