Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
