he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
