is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
