i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize