Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
