dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
