Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize