Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
