Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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