You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Welp...herpes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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