News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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