She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
