At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
