Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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