Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
