Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
