it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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