Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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