Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
