Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
