I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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