I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
