Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
