Will you blow on my dice?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
