Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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