he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
