This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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