My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
