Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
