i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
