is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
