you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He did a backflip because drugs
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
