As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
