I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize