i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
