Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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