Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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