Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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