woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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