ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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