Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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