We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want to fling myself into the sun
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
