I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
