we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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