Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
