I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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