I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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