Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
