5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
