I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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