Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
