dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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