My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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