She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
