Say something about gay babies.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
3pm strippers are depressing
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
