do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
