I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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