i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
