party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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