he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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