im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
