I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
