I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
