I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
