we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
