Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
