hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
