he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
