I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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