Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
