Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
