I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Boobs are out for the taking
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
