I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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