its not stalking. its research.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
