It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
