there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
