It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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