Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're like the curious george of whores
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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