Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
