I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
