So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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