We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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