my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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