the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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