my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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