I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
